The rain falls outside my window, under dark clouded skies, I am alone. The door unlocks, I take a breath, I am still but my hands shake and my heart is racing. He's come home tonight. I am ashamed, but I keep a smile on and a soft tone in my voice to avoid upsetting him. My hands are submerged in water, the dishes are done, and so is dinner, he's happy - anytime now.
It's happening. He's angry and I don't know why. I'm walking on eggshells, so I don't say much. I return to the kitchen to clean the countertops hoping to avoid him. Someone has wronged him tonight, and I'll be punished for it. I brought him back here, it's my fault. In my soft tone I try to console him, but he won't accept it, he wants revenge. Everyone will get what they deserve, and he will make it happen. The doors slam, dishes are thrown, I'm glad our child isn't home. When will this end?
The tears fall onto my pillow, under dark clouded skies, I am alone again. He has gone, I take a breath, I am still but my hands shake in prayer and my heart is racing. He won't be long, so I keep still, avoiding unnecessary actions. Could I have done something different? Does he really hate me? My heart is torn. It is torn by addiction and violence and I am exhausted - anytime now.