- New Beginnings -
A month has already gone by since I had given birth to my baby boy. It's been a month of laughter, tears and many sleepless nights. They say that the first month with your newborn is usually the most challenging. Emotionally, I'd agree. Physically, it's demanding. And in terms of getting into a routine and adjusting to the new changes, it can be very difficult. Now that the first month has passed, I feel confident and ready for the months to come.
- Breastfeeding -
From the beginning of my pregnancy I knew that I wanted to exclusively breastfeed my baby or at least provide breast milk only. What I didn't know is how difficult and demanding breastfeeding can be. I have an electric pump now which makes things a lot easier and allows for other people to feed him when I can't. Thank the breastfeeding Gods for breast pumps. Mine was a gift. It's a double breast pump called 'MiPump' by The First Years. It does its job, and works very well for me. There have been times at the end of the day where I was no longer able to produce any more milk and had no choice but to give Taylor a formula bottle. It was emotional and frustrating to me that my body just couldn't keep up with him. It is very rare that he is given a formula bottle but when we do, we have a can of Similac for "emergency's only." Although I much prefer the non-stinky breast milk poops over formula poops. I also like to think that Taylor prefers my milk over formula, haha. Preparation of formula bottles is easier and much quicker, and I can see why mothers give in to exclusively giving their babies formula, where as breast milk can take up to 20 minutes to pump 4 ounces from one breast, which is usually one feeding. To me, formula just doesn't seem natural, and I feel bad every time I give Taylor a bottle of formula. I guess I feel that way because I'm his mother and it is my job to provide him with the milk he needs. Lately, with a proper diet and sleep, I'm able to produce just enough to meet his needs, but not enough to have a freezer full of dated breast milk. Now, he's not always bottle-fed breast milk. At nights he actually feeds from my breast, it's seems to comfort him to be close to his mother and he's sleeping within the next 10 minutes. At times, it becomes tiring and frustrating, especially when all I want is sleep, but from the beginning I fully understood the benefits of breastfeeding for myself and baby, which is why I've been successful and consistent. Taylor was able to properly latch on in the first 5 minutes of trying in the hospital. He was feeding every 2-3 hours, the nurses were pleasantly surprised . . . they said it was like I had given birth to 10 kids already, haha. Maybe they're paid to say those things, but I believe I did very well for my first time. I think it came natural to me because in the last few months of pregnancy I actually imagined breast feeding, and would often say to Quentin "I can't wait to breastfeed!"
In 5 months, Taylor can begin eating solid foods, and hopefully by then he wouldn't require as much breast milk and I'll be a professional at providing just enough and maybe then I'll have a freezer full of breast milk dated back to August . . . wishful and hopeful thinking. At times I question myself "can I really make through another 5 months of this?" but when I think of this past month, it really wasn't that hard . . . I mean in comparison to childbirth, breastfeeding is easy, Hahah.
Ps - I'm pumping as I type this LoL
In 5 months, Taylor can begin eating solid foods, and hopefully by then he wouldn't require as much breast milk and I'll be a professional at providing just enough and maybe then I'll have a freezer full of breast milk dated back to August . . . wishful and hopeful thinking. At times I question myself "can I really make through another 5 months of this?" but when I think of this past month, it really wasn't that hard . . . I mean in comparison to childbirth, breastfeeding is easy, Hahah.
Ps - I'm pumping as I type this LoL
- Emotions and such -
No one really gives you the in-depth details of every emotion and feeling you experience after giving birth. Heightened with the lack of sleep, the significant drop in hormones it can seem like the world around you has become a dampened place. Being in a stuffy old hospital room didn't help at all, and when I was discharged, I felt as if I were just released from prison haha. I wanted out of there so bad. I wanted to be settled at home afterwards, I needed that bonding time with my new baby, but because it was my grad week too, there was no time for settling. I became very emotional, and it became difficult for others around me to understand this. With proper support and understanding it could have been a bit easier and less bitter, but it was only temporary. In a few weeks my emotions were somewhat back to normal and I experienced fewer crying spells. I can say now that I am pretty much back to normal, I feel less imprisoned, less emotional, and more enthusiastic about parenthood. My baby brings me joy daily, and I don't mind the demands of feeding, changing, and burping. I tend to put my baby's needs first before my own. One of the first days home, I actually had time to shower, fix my hair and apply makeup as I usually did, and for some reason I felt a sense of guilt. Then I remembered hearing some lady on some TV show say that it's okay to take some time for yourself, and it's okay to spend a few minutes on your hair and makeup when you become a new mom. I'm thankful that Quentin gives me time for myself, it helps me to feel more like my normal self.
Before becoming pregnant and giving birth, I could not have imagined having a baby would be this emotional. Like I said, no one ever tells you the in-depth details, and gives you the reality of what becoming a new mom is really like. It's not always as happy and joyful as it seems to be, I feel if more people actually told it like it was, there would be a lot less pregnancies. Now, I'm not saying I would have made another choice if I had known, I'm just saying it's actually a lot harder than it seemed to be. You'll never know unless you've experienced it for yourself.
On the other hand, just looking into my baby's eyes brings me instant happiness, and in that moment I realize why I'm dong this, and why I push through those tiring, sleepless nights. I have been given a gift from God, and it is my responsibility to raise and love this blessing. Taylor has already been given the greatest start in life, two parents who love him, and who love each other.
Before becoming pregnant and giving birth, I could not have imagined having a baby would be this emotional. Like I said, no one ever tells you the in-depth details, and gives you the reality of what becoming a new mom is really like. It's not always as happy and joyful as it seems to be, I feel if more people actually told it like it was, there would be a lot less pregnancies. Now, I'm not saying I would have made another choice if I had known, I'm just saying it's actually a lot harder than it seemed to be. You'll never know unless you've experienced it for yourself.
On the other hand, just looking into my baby's eyes brings me instant happiness, and in that moment I realize why I'm dong this, and why I push through those tiring, sleepless nights. I have been given a gift from God, and it is my responsibility to raise and love this blessing. Taylor has already been given the greatest start in life, two parents who love him, and who love each other.
-Too fast, too soon -
Taylor is already in size 1 diapers, stays up for longer periods during the day, sleeps longer through the nights, feeds well over 5 oz a feeding (sometimes 8), fits into some of his 3-6 month onesies, and in general is growing way too fast it saddens me. I wish he would just stay a small baby forever, but at the same time I can't wait to see him grow. It seems just overnight he gets bigger, and with every nap he wakes up chubbier lol.
- From experience -
To new moms, or expecting mothers, my advice to you would be that this is your experience, have it the way you want it, because there are no do-overs. If you want that expensive nursery set, high end stroller, or top-of-the-line baby bath, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, as long as it makes you happy that's all that matters. If I had known this, I probably would have been just a tad bit more satisfied with my experience. Nonetheless, I have no regrets. My baby has everything he needs and that's all that really matters.
Please cherish and try to enjoy every moment of your pregnancy, the pain and discomfort is only temporary . . . I would do it all over again if I could. And please cherish every moment of motherhood and every moment you have with your newborn, because they really do grow way too fast and before you know it, that first month would have come and gone and you would do anything to experience it all again. I am convinced that this is the reason women have more children . . . I may have mentioned to Quentin about having more kids, but we'll save that conversation for at least another 10 years lol
Please cherish and try to enjoy every moment of your pregnancy, the pain and discomfort is only temporary . . . I would do it all over again if I could. And please cherish every moment of motherhood and every moment you have with your newborn, because they really do grow way too fast and before you know it, that first month would have come and gone and you would do anything to experience it all again. I am convinced that this is the reason women have more children . . . I may have mentioned to Quentin about having more kids, but we'll save that conversation for at least another 10 years lol