It was by chance that I had found out I was pregnant. I bought a pregnancy test 'just in case' not totally convinced there was even a possibility I would be pregnant, and there it was on a pink stick which I've seen so many commercials about that read "Yes 3-5 weeks." My life changed from that moment. Honestly in the beginning, I wasn't sure if I was going to keep the baby because things weren't exactly ideal in my situation. My boyfriend and I had just broken up and he moved away and I had just started my last semester of high school. I wasn't exactly living a healthy lifestyle either but I knew all of that had to change. A few days went by, and my 'ex' called me. "I'm pregnant" I said. There was true happiness in his voice when he said "Keep it." We had been actually trying to conceive a baby for months before our breakup. I always think it was Gods way of saying "You two were meant for each other and this isn't suppose to be the end" because I honestly thought it was the end when he moved . . . my heart broke, but at the same time I was too angry to be heartbroken for the things he had done and said before he left. It was the most difficult first few weeks of pregnancy not knowing whether or not to keep the baby growing inside me, until I watched a video on abortion, and it broke my heart. I couldn't do that to my little baby, it already had little hands and feet and a heart beat. At that point, I understood abortion was never again going to be an option.
I stopped my unhealthy habits of smoking and consuming caffeine immediately for the well-being of my baby. I had quit drinking alcohol weeks before I found out I was pregnant realizing it wasn't what I wanted in my life. Then the morning sickness set in. There were days when I couldn't eat anything nor could I even think of food let alone smell it. The once amazing aroma of coffee in the morning now made me gag. I would sit there on the couch trying to ignore the sick feeling in my tummy while watching TV trying to distract myself, but nothing would help. That's when the doctor prescribed me something for the nausea. It was counterproductive as it only put me to sleep. Ginger-mint tea was a lifesaver. It eased my stomach, and then finally I was able to eat normal foods again. The morning sickness passed around 14 weeks, at that time it was December, and my boyfriend and I were somewhat back together, not entirely because he was still living in another town. I booked my ticket for the Christmas holiday to Yellowknife to then spend 7 weeks with him. I didn't want to leave, and even extended my stay. I would have stayed for good, but I was determined to finish grade 12 and get my diploma. It was a good and bad choice on my part. I still regret it some days, because he would have still had his job and we would have been better off financially. But I realize now, I can't be completely dependent on someone. I'll have to someday provide for myself and that's what my education would help me to achieve.
It was a difficult last few months of pregnancy being away from Quentin and going to school. At 24 weeks, I found out the gender of our baby and was so excited to tell Quentin. We both wanted a boy, and somehow I knew he was going to be a boy. I always pictured my first child to be a baby boy, with a little resemblance to my dad. I'm glad that's what God had planned for me. After my Dad had passed, there was always something missing. I never felt a love like the love I felt for my dad, until I met my son. I don't feel so lost anymore, my life has more purpose than ever. My baby has given me more determination than anything or anyone could. I am determined to give him a good life, to provide for him, to give him only happy memories and to never let him feel those feelings I had after my dad passed. I want him to feel loved, wanted, and secure. I want him to feel praise and happiness and everything he deserves. Some days when I'm sad I think "What if I can't give my son everything my Dad gave me?" "What if I can't give him the Childhood I had?" but those thoughts only give me more motivation to give him everything I can.
I think back now and I've asked myself would I have made a different choice? I honestly cannot picture a life without Taylor because he is my life now, and everything I do now is for him. He's changed every aspect of me, he's made me the person I've always wanted to be and a person I know my Dad would be proud of. He's made me a mother, and he's given me qualities to be proud of . . . selflessness, strength, and determination. Becoming pregnant wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to me, it was the best thing - and I would do it all over again.